I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
