I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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