cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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