He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
