She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
