Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
