I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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