you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So much Jack, so little girl.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
