1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize