The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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