eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
