dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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