I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
