he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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