I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
