is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
