meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
