Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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