It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
