so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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