if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
