weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
