Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
