It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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