Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
