remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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