i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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