problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
