Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
