So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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