He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
