Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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