Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A+ Viking dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
