Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
