Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
