fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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