sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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