the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
