I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize