i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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