We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
