im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
