she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
