Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to have your abortion
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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