it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize