using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
