There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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