I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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