too bad you live with your parents still
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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