update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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