I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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