You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
