I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
