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Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
