Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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