I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
